3.23.2009

home improvement confessional

In an effort to improve myself... here's a confessional.

I am terrible at saving money. TERRIBLE. I've been meaning to make a rewards/punishment system for myself because I know from experience that it would help. And I have no good reason for why I haven't done it yet. I'm so tired of the stress that money brings. It consumes way to much of my thinking. I lived pretty darn frugally during college and now I guess I'm just splurging b/c I can. Except... I shouldn't. And it needs to stop. Maybe I'll post my personal contract/rewards system ... those kind of things are much more effective when they are shared with a neighbor.

That is my number one pet peeve about myself. Number two is the fact that I am terrible at maintaining/building relationships. This has to do with people that I am already friends with and people that I am building a relationship with. My mind does funny things. Sometimes I think that the other person is going to judge me... on my looks, on my thoughts, on my opinions... on my anything. And the thought of being judged just gives me the heebie jeebies. Actually, it would be ignorant and stupid to think that people don't judge me... but I think it is stupid of me to let it immobilize me. Yet, it does. I analyze everything too much... and will be the first to admit that being so analytical can be damaging. This fear keeps me from initiating conversations with people... and since I've realized that, I've been able to tackle it one conversation at a time.

Sometimes I try to just float through life/relationships... avoiding controversy/pain/anything that might spark emotion. Maybe I'm afraid to grow? I don't know. Don't get attached... because who knows what's going to happen right?

I don't know where this came from... but uh... sometimes it helps to just GO. and type.

*sigh*

I love this song by Brandon Heath...

Give me your eyes for just one second, Give me your eyes so I can see, Everything that I keep missing, Give me your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten. Give me Your eyes so I can see.

2 comments:

The Future Mr. and Mrs said...

K I'll keep you accountable for saving money and you keep me accountable for reading my bible and devotional everyday, how does that sound?

The Future Mr. and Mrs said...

Um not so hot. I haven't been reading very much. Thanks for reminding me though...I am going to read tonight. How goes the money saving?